Get Out of Your Head and Into Your life

"You must first accept that while there are things that have happened in your life that you had no say in, YOU are 100 percent responsible for what you do with your life in the aftermath of those events. ALWAYS, every time, no excuses.” - Gary John Bishop

I am reading, well actually, listening, to a book on Audible called Unfu*k Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Life I'm only about halfway through but this book is a real kick in the butt.The ideas are not new, and Gary is not a soft and fuzzy hugs all around kind of guy, but does a great job  telling us to stop feeling sorry for ourselves and ACT. If you don't like something, change; change how you view it or act change the situation.

We all have good intentions, grand ideas and plans but......

We are not our thoughts, we are what we DO. 

Bishop insists that we need to act on those thoughts and dreams, starting in the tiniest of ways if need be, even if we don't feel like it.When we choose not to act, we have to face the fact that we're not willing to move toward what we really do want. Inaction IS an action and can be debilitating, and have a domino effect, leading you deeper toward what you don't want. You may feel safe and protected in your inaction but it is not serving you.

I hadn't planned on writing a book review, "pep talk" when I started this post but his words have had an impact on me. There's nothing in this book I have not heard before but his language and words are to the point and basically tell us life is short and YOU are the key to changing it if you are not happy where you are in it! 

Here are some more quotes....

“Remember, everything is solve-able, and if you can’t see a solution, it only means you haven’t worked it out yet.”  

“You have the life you’re willing to put up with.” 

“Positive self-talk can dramatically improve mood, boost confidence, increase productivity, and more. Much more. In fact, as evidenced by Professor Hart and his studies, it can be one of the key components to a happy, successful life. The bad news is, the reverse is also true: Negative self-talk can not only put us in a bad mood, it can leave us feeling helpless. It can make small problems seem bigger – and even create problems where none existed before. Here’s the breaking news, your self-talk is fucking you over and in ways you can’t even begin to imagine.” 

Some takeaways.....

-You could change your life overnight if you gave up the idea that other peoples' opinions matter. Be willing to be judged by others and not let it get to you. 

- No one can read your mind. Say what's on it. Share your plans and ideas. That thing that's making you crazy, might not be on their radar. They could be completely oblivious.
- Even when you don't see anything happening, it is. Even when you're not quite hitting the mark, you're making progress. Doing the mental work and shifting your actions accordingly, sets things in motion.

 Uncertainty is where things happen; it's your personal pathway to growth. 

 images copyright Shelagh Duffett

Feeding the wolves....

I am trying to be a better person. I think we all are. Life sure does make it difficult at times! We dodge unexpected blows, jump hurdles we didn't know existed, arrive at dead ends, get confronted with bad news and do our best to keep going in a positive and upbeat manner. It it boils down to decision making doesn't it. 
The way we choose to react to a situation determines the outcome for ourselves. It is how we move forward. The space between the event and our response is where it all happens.  Our thoughts direct the show. We need to pause. I am working on trying to see the positive and larger picture instead of quickly reacting emotionally. It is difficult.
It’s so much easier to do things like complain, begrudge, procrastinate, dismiss, put down, bemoan or ignore. The lazy way out. Those things take almost no energy because they don’t require real action of any kind and don't change anything; inside or out. It is hard to rise above but the benefits are boundless...... a challenge I am fighting daily.

A girl said to her  grandfather, “It feels as though there’s always a fight between two big wolves inside my head”
“The first wolf is full of anger, self-doubt and enviousness. The second is full of hope, empathy and courage.”
The grandfather said, “That same fight is going on inside all of us.”
The girl thought about that and then asked, “Well grandfather, which wolf will win?”

The old man simply replied, “The one you feed.”

Photos taken at Chebucto Head, Duncan's Cove

Radically alive....

We are radically alive in our simple moments. We stay busy, tell ourselves stories. What does it mean to be alive? We breathe, we breathe......
We gaze out from the fortress of ourselves and scan the world. Judge it. Assess. Is it just enough? Is it wanting? Is it safe? Is it beautiful? Shall we step out and embrace or retreat back into the protective shell fashioned by our experience, beliefs and fear.

 I adore this poem by Mary Oliver...perfect....

I know, you never intended to be in this world.
But you’re in it all the same. 

So why not get started immediately.

I mean, belonging to it.
There is so much to admire, to weep over.

And to write music or poems about.

Bless the feet that take you to and fro.
Bless the eyes and the listening ears.
Bless the tongue, the marvel of taste.
Bless touching.

You could live a hundred years, it’s happened.
Or not.
I am speaking from the fortunate platform
of many years,
none of which, I think, I ever wasted.
Do you need a prod?
Do you need a little darkness to get you going?
Let me be as urgent as a knife, then,
and remind you of Keats,
so single of purpose and thinking, for a while,
he had a lifetime.

12 Tips to Improve a Lousy Day, Week....

How to Improve a Lousy Day......

1. Resist the urge to “treat” yourself. Often, the things we choose as “treats” aren’t good for us. The pleasure lasts a minute, but then feelings of guilt, loss of control, and other negative consequences just deepen the lousiness of the day. So when you find yourself thinking, “I’ll feel better after I have a few beers…a pint of ice cream…a cigarette…a new pair of jeans,” ask yourself – will it REALLY make you feel better? Sure but then...It might make you feel worse!

2. Do something nice for someone else. “Do good, feel good” – this really works. Be selfless, if only for selfish reasons. If you are outside yourself you cannot be inside yourself:)

3. Distract yourself.  Watching a funny movie or TV show is a great way to take a break, pop into a bookstore/coffeeshop or the library and browse through some magazines,or re-read beloved classics of children's literature. Things to fill you mind with new positive thoughts.

4. Seek inner peace through outer order. Soothe yourself by tackling a messy closet, an untidy desk, your email folder or crowded counter tops. The sense of tangible progress, control, and orderliness can be a comfort. Create a vista of calm for yourself. One less thing to fret about and a real boost

5. Tell yourself, “Well, at least I…” Get some things accomplished. Yes, you had a horrible day, but at least you went to the gym, or played with your kids, or walked the dog, or read your children a story, or recycled. Remind yourself of those things...It might even be as basic as "At least I got out of bed ! "

6. Exercise is an extremely effective mood booster – But if you go for a walk, make it a long one:) The first half will be spent dwelling on your problems and then as the time passes your thoughts will shift elsewhere.

7. Stay in contact. When you’re having a lousy day, it’s tempting to retreat into isolation but contact with other people boosts mood. So try to see or talk to people, especially people you’re close to. Send text messages if you are not up for chatting...

8. It’s a cliché, but things really will look brighter in the morning. Go to bed early and start the next day anew. Also, sleep deprivation puts a drag on mood in the best of circumstances, so a little extra sleep will do you good.

9. Remind yourself of your other identities. If you feel like a loser at work, send out a blast message to engage with college friends. If you think members of the organization you belong to are mad at you, don’t miss the spinning class where everyone knows and likes you. We are more than one sided!

10. Keep perspective. Ask yourself: “Will this matter in a month? In a year? Seriously....think of things you were in a panic about or desperately upset about. Do they still affect you like that?

11. Write it down. When something horrible is consuming my mind, I find that if I write up a paragraph or two about the situation, I get immense relief through processing it with a different side of my brain.

12. Be grateful. Remind yourself that a lousy day isn’t a catastrophic day. Be grateful that you’re still on the “lousy” spectrum. Probably, things could be worse. and BREATHE